Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground.
– Oscar Wilde
Grief Tending in community
It is hard to put words to the extent that the loss of a child, a pregnancy can reach. Sometimes it can feel like the world we thought we knew is unravelling after a loose thread has been pulled and snagged the whole cloth. Grief can be unreasonable, savage and wild. This page is about our approach to grief and the community events we offer.
We know that no two families experience grief the same way, every situation is different. However a common feeling can be one of loneliness and isolation, especially if support from family, friends and healthcare professionals fades over time. Grief can have a lifelong impact, with feelings resurfacing months, or years after an event, sometimes triggered by subsequent pregnancies or milestones. The Nest offers a friendly space to connect with others who have also been affected by loss.
Grief relating to baby loss can come from many different experiences, for example through:
Miscarriage
Stillbirth
Neonatal loss
Termination of pregnancy (for medical reasons)
Fertility treatment loss
Community & Belonging
Humans are a social species. We are born to live in connection with other people, not just for the good times, but also for the difficult ones.
Inclusion
We are an inclusive organisation and believe in promoting gender justice and racial justice. We are LGBTQ+ friendly and welcome all ethnicities.
Self-care
We take self-care very seriously. This is not the first place to come if you are recently bereaved, or if your mental health is unstable. Please seek advice from your health care professional if you are in any doubt.
Baby Loss Café
Welcome to The Nest Baby Loss Café – a friendly safe space for chat over tea and cake.
This is a place for all people whose lives have been affected by the loss of a baby, whether that be during pregnancy, at birth or in infancy. For those who have lost recently, or historic.
This is not a therapeutic space but a friendly group to connect with others who have also been affected by baby loss. This is not the first place to come if you are recently bereaved, or if your mental health is unstable. Please seek advice from your health care professional if you are in any doubt.
The Nest essential ground rules:
*Non-judgemental – people might have different views to you and that’s ok.
*Respect – ourselves, each other and the space.
*Open hearted – trust that everyone is doing the best they can.
*You don’t have to share personal stories but you might need to be prepared to listen.
*Confidential – what’s shared in the space stays in the space
We are LGBTQ+ friendly, anti-racist and welcome all ethnicities.
Resources for Grief
Losing a baby
Sands, Information and support for anyone affected by the death of a baby: Sands.org.uk
The Mariposa Trust, supporting baby loss and bereavement https://www.mariposatrust.org/
Tommy’s, Information and support for people affected by stillbirth, miscarriage and premature birth: www.tommys.org
Child Bereavement UK especially helps children, young adults and families, to rebuild their lives after a child dies. https://www.childbereavementuk.org/when-your-baby-dies
Child Death Helpline. A freephone helpline for anyone affected by baby loss https://www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk/ 0800 282 986
Cruise bereavement support https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/grief-experiences/death-of-a-child/
Loss during pregnancy
The Miscarriage Association, 01924 200799, Information and support for anyone affected by miscarriage, molar pregnancy or ectopic pregnancy: www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Tommy’s, Information and support for people affected by stillbirth, miscarriage and premature birth: www.tommys.org
Sands, Information and support for anyone affected by the death of a baby: Sands.org.uk
Infertility
Resolve. The National Infertility Association: https://resolve.org/
IVF in ethnic communities https://thefertilityhub.com/ivf-in-ethnic/
Abortion
Choices. Exeter & Teignmouth. Baby loss and post abortion support. www.choicespregnancycentre.co.uk
Brook. Information about the abortion process. https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/accessing-abortion-services/
Inroads: International Network for reduction of abortion stigma and shame. https://www.makeinroads.org/
Abortion Law in UK https://www.msichoices.org.uk/abortion-services/abortion-and-your-rights/
Abortion Support Group online. https://www.sheffieldmaternitycooperative.co.uk/dopo-x-smc
Dopo. 1-2-1 abortion doula support https://www.wearedopo.com/
Pregnancy after loss
The Miscarriage Association: https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/your-feelings/pregnancyaftermiscarriage/
Sands, Information and support for anyone affected by the death of a baby: Sands.org.uk
LGBTQ+
Intercom Trust. Exeter based support https://www.intercomtrust.org.uk/
Stonewall https://www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/news/hidden-costs-facing-potential-lgbtq-parents
LGBT Foundation https://lgbt.foundation/
Women of colour and/or from diverse cultural backgrounds
FIVE X MORE
COMMITTED TO HIGHLIGHTING AND CHANGING BLACK MATERNAL OUTCOMES IN THE UK https://www.fivexmore.com/
Birthrights: Your basic birth rights (translated into 16 languages) https://www.birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/your-basic-birth-rights-translated/
Pregnant then Screwed support line https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/support-for-black-asian-and-minority-ethnic-women/
Devon Based Support
The Nest Baby Loss Café. Meeting every 2 months in Exeter. Book here
Exeter SANDS. 121 support and online meetings. https://www.facebook.com/ExeterSands
Exeter SANDS FC. A football club for men who have experienced baby loss. https://www.facebook.com/SandsunitedFCExeter
Choices. Exeter & Teignmouth. Baby loss and post abortion support. www.choicespregnancycentre.co.uk
Kate Stanton. Counselling in Tiverton. Specialist in grief and baby loss. www.katestantoncounselling.co.uk/
THE WELL OF GRIEF
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief,
turning down through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe,
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering,
the small round coins,
thrown by those who wished for something else.
– David Whyte